This is what I found in the kitty's food bowl when I went to feed her tonight. I think a certain toddler was concerned that she needed some food. :) 

At least somebody's enjoying the play mat! 

friendship

Daniel and Sophie (the cat) seem to have developped a little bond, despite the fact that he enjoys beating on her and laying on her. I've noticed that during the day when I have to nurse Andrew, Daniel will go find the cat to hang out with. This morning, she was lying on the stool napping, so he tried to lay down next to her. She started licking/grooming herself and the next thing I know, she's licking his head. Very cute.

Doing: watching Ellen on the DVR. sitting on the couch. typing on my new laptop. sniffling.

Enjoying: the warm sunshine. a few minutes to myself.

Looking forward to: the Oscars with Chris Rock. spring (the season, not the person). baseball season starting.

Thinking about: planning Daniel's 2nd birthday party. feline-a-cide (damn cat, eating my plant).

the offspring

Me and the little one have colds now. It's not too bad though because he's sleeping OK and is in a remarkedly smiley mood when he's awake. He's a sweet, sweet boy. Our little fair-skinned boy. Isn't genetics interesting? It almost makes me want to keep having kids to see what other combinations we can get. (I said, almost.) Daniel has brown eyes and light brown hair and has his dad's darker skin. Andrew has fair skin and blue eyes, which is what I have. Daniel seems to have more of his dad's temperment -- he's a pretty calm child and is slow to anger. heh. I hope Andrew also takes after his dad.

it's a whole new world. . .

There are a couple of things that Daniel has been saying lately that I guarantee we weren't saying at his age. "noggin-dot-com" "www-dot-com" "pbs-dot-org" Who's saying TV doesn't teach you anything?

I hope I'm a good enough mom so that my kids love me like John Mayer loves his mom. . .

Did you see John Mayer get interviewed after the Grammy's? He was calling his mom to tell her about his win. Very cute. I know my mom probably isn't the first person I'd want to talk to after I won an award. I don't think she even knew I had graduate d from law school for a couple of years.

Anyway, I wanted to follow-up with a few thoughts on the Newsweek article and upcoming book about "mommy madness." (I think the John Mayer comment will seem a little more relevant in just a little bit.) Other mom-bloggers have been writing about this article. I hope they don't mind me linking to them (hey, we all want more readers!) -- check out what citymama has to say. We all need to hear these things. Well, I did anyway. Follow her links to the Childbearing Hipster's blog as well.

I don't so much feel that my son has to go to the best preschool in town and that he needs to be involved in all sorts of activities at the tender age of almost two. But I'm always comparing my mothering to those moms immediately around me, and usually, in my own mind, I'm the one not measuring up. I don't explain things enough to Daniel. I don't try to do enough craft projects with him. (He's totally uninterested in them at this point anyway, but if I just keep trying . . .) I have the TV on too much. I don't take him outside enough. I'm not creative enough in getting him to eat different things. etc. etc.

I think we forget that we are human. We just can't do it all. We aren't going to be able to deliver the perfect childhood to our offspring. But yet, we want to -- we strive to.

Over the last ten plus years, there has been a lot of delving into one's childhood in search of the root cause of whatever persistent unhappinesses one might have in one's life. I've certainly done plenty of this. I didn't have the most pleasantest of childhoods and am afraid that I'll repeat similar things even in my attempts to avoid them. Or maybe I'll be successful in avoiding some things, but mess up in yet other ways.

And sometimes, figuring out exactly what went wrong in one's own childhood in order to avoid doing those things towards your own kids is not the easiest task in the first place. Maybe it was fairly obvious like divorce or alcoholism or abuse, or maybe it was less obvious, like water torture where one drop on it's own isn't so bad, but day after day, drop after drop, it eroded your sense of self. So how on earth can we figure out how to avoid those things with our own children if we aren't even exactly sure about what might have affected us?

The bottom line is that we want our children to be happy. We hope that they are not in psychotherapy thirty years from now trying to trace back what might not have been quite right in their childhoods. We want to give them the love and acceptance that maybe we didn't get, but we aren't perfect. Nobody's perfect. We will make mistakes. We will disappoint them in some ways. So how do you know what's good enough? I don't know.

I'm not sure, but I think that unlike so many other endeavors in our lives, parenting cannot be a goal-oriented thing. It has to be undertaken by living in the moment with our children, by engaging with them in better and in worse, not fretting about the future and what the outcome of our parenting experiment is going to be and how to get to a successful result, but just loving them to the best of our abilities, acknowledging that there will be mistakes and that everybody will learn from them. That in and of itself is a great lesson, I suppose.

But can I please be assured that they'll want to call me after winning any big awards? You know, like the Grammys, or something . . .

tales of misery and woe continue. . .

I came down with mastitis on Friday, which will totally kick your butt. Chills, fever, body aches, plus the boob is super-sore. AND you still have to nurse through it. Daniel's still not feeling great. Not sure if its molars or his cold. When I picked him up from Parents Morning Out on Friday, the mom-helper made sure to tell me that they had been wiping his nose all morning. Oops. I really did think that he was getting better. Anyway, his nose is definitely still running and he's still coughing a bit and just seems to be out of sorts, whining a LOT. I see a trip to see our friendly pediatrician in the near future. In the meantime, today I have a sore throat. Another long week ahead. But hey, by the grace of PBS, we made it through last week. We can do it again.

observation

there was one day last week when I thought Andrew was a high needs baby. But after that day, he has turned a corner and is more placid, smiling and cooing. And we know the laugh is coming because he does it in his sleep. What may still be the case though, is that I'm a high-needs momma. Heh.

perfectly mad

Today has been a little better. I finally had my 6 week post-partum checkup this morning. Looks like everything is in good working order. Will be making a longer term plan in a couple of weeks.

While I was at the doctor's office, I happened to notice the latest issue of Newsweek. Hmmmm, Perfect Madness. How appropriate.

Then, I took my toddler to storytime and fretted why he wasn't sitting down and listening like the other kids. Heh.

Gotta find a babysitter, though. DH isn't too happy about missing work to take care of the kids for my doctor's appointments.

I need to get a better outlet for my anger, seriously

I wish I knew a better way to deal with my temper or had a shorter fuse or something. I wish I was more of a crier than a yeller. Yelling and throwing stuff just doesn't cut it. At the same time I'm yelling or throwing stuff, I know Daniel's taking it in and he's going to being in therapy years later either because he has intimacy problems with women or has his own anger management issues. Sigh.

Maybe more ranting will help:

I'm sick of having toys and crap strewn all over the floor for me to step on.

I'm sick of reading truck books instead of these nice colorful, sweet stories I get from the library.

I'm tired of holding and walking around with a baby who insists on throwing his head all around and trying to propel himself out of my arms.

I'm sick of trying to do stuff with a toddler while the baby is trying to squirm out of my arms.

I'm sick of trying to play with or read to a toddler when the baby isn't settling down.

I'm sick of Daniel taking all his magnetic letters off the fridge and leaving them on the floor or dropping over the gate.

I'm sick of trying to shield the baby from large books about trucks when Daniel climbs up.

I'm tired of losing my patience with Daniel when he just wants to climb up and read a truck book and sit by Mommy.

I'm tired of Daniel having snot smeared all over his face and screaming when I try to wipe his nose.

I'm sick of listening to the stupid "Wee Sing" CD.

I'm sick of turning on the TV for Daniel when I need a break. We've got three episodes of every toddler show on TV on the DVR.

I'm sick of Daniel not playing on his own like he used to, but restlessly wandering around.

I'm sick of not getting enough sleep.

I'm sick of having to feed myself all the damn time so that I get enough calories to feed the little one.

I'm sick of nursing the little one.

I'm sick of the house being a mess.

I'm sick of trying to figure out what a toddler is talking about when he pitches a fit and just keeps saying "want it!"

I'm sick of these stupid child-proof gates.

I'm sick of the toddler dropping stuff on the kitchen floor and walking away.

I'm tired of the toddler trying to bang on the computer keyboard.

I'm tired of the toddler trying to take my glass of water.

But he's such a sweet kid.

I needed a good laugh. . . .

some mornings are OK and some just suck. This morning totally sucked. It's one of those mornings where you feel like you are doing your best to screw up your kids as early and as much as possible. Patience, what patience? My toddler is sick, as I've said, and not only that but he's bored, too. Not a good combination. I want nothing but to hug him and give him lots of attention and figure out what he'll eat right now besides goldfish 'cause that seems to be it. And then, my 7 week old baby wants nothing but to be held and nursed. I want nothing but to hold him and nurse him (sort of, anyway) and look at that cute pudgy face since he's starting to coo and smile. So you see my dilemna. . . .

Anyway, I got the following as an e-mail and it gave me a good laugh (although it should probably scare the crap out of me -- visions of the future), but I thought I'd pass it along for your reading pleasure.

Thoughts on raising boys from a mother in Austin, TX:

1.) A king size waterbed holds enough water to fill a 2000 sq. ft. house 4 inches deep.

2.) If you spray hair spray on dust bunnies and run over them with roller blades, they can ignite.

3.) A 3-year old Boy's voice is louder than 200 adults in a crowded restaurant.

4.) If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan, the motor is not strong enough to rotate a 42 pound Boy wearing Batman underwear and a Superman cape. It is strong enough, however, if tied to a paint can, to spread paint on all four walls of a 20x20 ft. room.

5.) You should not throw baseballs up when the ceiling fan is on. When using a ceiling fan as a bat, you have to throw the ball up a few times before you get a hit. A ceiling fan can hit a baseball a long way.

6.) The glass in windows (even double-pane) doesn't stop a baseball hit by a ceiling fan.

7.) When you hear the toilet flush and the words "uh oh", it's already too late.

8.) Brake fluid mixed with Clorox makes smoke, and lots of it.

9.) A six-year old Boy can start a fire with a flint rock even though a 36-year old Man says they can only do it in the movies.

10.) Certain Lego's will pass through the digestive tract of a 4-year old Boy.

11.) Play dough and microwave should not be used in the same sentence.

12.) Super glue is forever.

13.) No matter how much Jell-O you put in a swimming pool you still can't walk on water.

14.) Pool filters do not like Jell-O.

15.) VCR's do not eject "PB &J" sandwiches even though TV commercials show they do.

16.) Garbage bags do not make good parachutes.

17.) Marbles in gas tanks make lots of noise when driving.

18.) You probably DO NOT want to know what that odor is.

19.) Always look in the oven before you turn it on; plastic toys do not like ovens.

20.) The fire department in Austin, TX has a 5-minute response time.

21.) The spin cycle on the washing machine does not make earthworms dizzy.

22.) It will, however, make cats dizzy.

23.) Cats throw up twice their body weight when dizzy.

24.) 80% of Men who read this will try mixing the Clorox and brake fluid.

25.) Women will pass this on to almost all of their friends, with or without kids.
 

Our cranky cowboy. 

let me tell you about dump trucks. . . .and excavators and front-end loaders

I've got a sick toddler and an infant who wants to be held ALL THE TIME, so we've been reading lots of a library books. Library books about dump trucks and big rigs and fire engines. I don't know where my son gets his obsession with trucks. It's not anything we pushed or encouraged or anything. I'm amazed how much there is to know about trucks though. I'm hoping Andrew has different interests. I don't know if I can go through another truck obsession.

Anyway, reading seems to be a pretty good thing to do with the little guys, better than watching TV which didn't always hold Daniel's attention for very long while I was nursing. And when he was tired of it and pissed off that he wasn't in my lap, he'd go off and start pulling shit off the counters and tables and sofa onto the floor. By the way, what's the deal with just dropping stuff on the floor when they are done with it? Grrrr. So reading is good, and it makes me feel like I'm neglecting Daniel less. I'm not really neglecting him at all but it's hard to see that betrayed look in his eyes when I have to put him down to tend to a screaming baby.

I had something else to add, but as usual, by the time I get to the computer, I forget what I was thinking about.

Today was a pretty productive day. Got some laundry folded. Got the dishwasher loaded and running. Pumped 2 oz this morning. Got everybody fed and diapers changed and managed to keep myself fed so that I didn't lose my shit, at least not as much as usual.

Daniel has a pretty bad chest cold and is coughing a bunch today, so I gave him the kids' cough and cold medicine which knocked him out pretty good, but he's coughing even more this afternoon after his nap. Poor little guy. His coughing keeps waking up the baby though. Argh.

Oh, and DUDE! I got a Dell, laptop that is. We had a phat (heh) tax refund this year 'cause we didn't have the withholdings right, so we decided that we could afford it. I'm switching back from a Mac (an eMac) to a PC. DH is a hard core Mac guy and disparages PCs any chance he gets, so I'll have to put up with him running his yap now, but I'm happy.

anybody see the Grammy's?

Here are my observations (apologies to those who've seen this already):

1. Everytime Queen Latifah is announcing something, I think she's gonna tell us to "gather 'round the good stuff." (Pizza Hut commercials). As an aside, I don't think it was the best career choice to do Pizza Hut commercials at the same time you have released a jazz album and want to be taken seriously. Just my

2. That tsunami relief song . . . hmmmm.. . . . didn't really rush to the computer to purchase it. How about you? I think Steven Tyler hit his notes the best of them all.

3. What was up with the J.Lo/Marc Antony number?

4. I like Kanye West and all, but I'm not sure what all the hype is.

5. Bizarre pairing for the evening: Jack from the White Stripes and Loretta Lynn.

6. Who knew Melissa Etheridge has breast cancer?!

7. John Mayer is yummy, as usual.

8. Note to Black Eyed Peas: vigorous running and jumping doesn't hide the fact that you don't sound very good live. I used to like them, too.

stressed

As I'm typing, I'm listening to Daniel cough his way through a nap over the monitor. Poor little guy. It totally sucks when they get sick. For them and for us. No church for us this morning. No playgroup which we were hosting here tomorrow morning. I was scheduled to have my 6-week post-partum checkup tomorrow afternoon and another mom was going to watch Daniel. But now I gotta move it again. Sometimes all I feel like I do is complain on this blog. Heh. Don't respond to that.

I'm entertaining the idea of stopping nursing the little guy. Yes, it's only been 6 1/2 weeks. One of my bo**obs is always sore, I think because we can't seem to get the latch right on that side. This is why I'm bummed about not being able to go to my check-up because I was hoping to get some help on this. Bottles and formula seem like they'd be so much easier. I wouldn't be as afraid to go out b/c it would be easier to whip out a bottle instead of the bo**ob and manage to keep up with the toddler at the same time.

coming soon to a small city or town near you . . .

the Bush Social Security infomercial. No kidding. The Pres was in Raleigh today touting his new Social Security plan. I watched some of his "town hall" meeting on TV. They had specially-picked people to ask questions -- you could all but hear them reading what they were given to say. "Gee, Mr. President, I'm a small business owner and I don't want any extra regulation." "Gee, Mr. President, I'm a senior citizen and I'm afraid you're going to take my social security away." "Gee, Mr. President, I'm a baby boomer. What's my social security benefit going to look like?" And of course, the good ole Pres has reassuring answers for everyone! He says that we must "fix this problem" and that now is the time to put all ideas on the table. Hint, hint, Democrats -- see me, I'm reachin' out! Yet in his next breath, he's telling all about the specifics of his plan. Do you really think all ideas will be welcomed or any, in fact, that aren't harmonious with his own? Uhh, let me think. . . NO.

anybody want a cat?

Stop being underfoot ALL the damn time.

Stop running in front of me on the stairs or when I'm walking.

Stop friggin' begging for food ALL the DAMN time and meowing like we never feed you.

Stop friggin' jumping up on the table WHEN I'M SITTING THERE poised to spray you with the water bottle. (She is the stupidest cat ever.)

Stop eating our plants (what we have of them).

Stop friggin' jumping on the counter to eat the food off the plates.

Man, your shit reeks.

No more pooping ANYWHERE BUT the litter box.

No more pissing ANYWHERE BUT the litter box.

Stop scratching the furniture.

ARRRRRGHHHH.

something to remember

J usually puts Daniel to bed every night, but as we juggle taking care of the toddler and the infant in the evening, I've put Daniel to bed a couple of times lately. Come to find out that he does the sweetest thing -- he gets milk before bed after stories while listening to his lullaby CD and sitting in somebody's lap. While he's doing this, he reaches up and rests his hand on your face and just holds it there while he drinks his milk.

What is WRONG with people?

And THIS was yesterday.

why do you blog?

I'm still trying to figure out this blogging thing. Clearly some people are much more verbally oriented than others. As much as I'd like to be more verbose, I'm just not a person of many words. How do people (dooce is an obvious example) find time to compose these thoughtful, lengthy well-written entries each day? It's all I can do to read a couple people's blogs each day and then maybe throw something up on mine every few days. And where do people find the time to read a zillion different people's blogs and maintain their own. And then there are people who have twelve different hobbies and manage to complete hobby projects and blog about them too along the way. Don't get me wrong. I admire all who do these things. It just makes me wonder what my problem is. Heh.

It seems to me that to be a good blogger and I'm mostly talking about mommy blogs b/c that's what mine is and that's mostly what I read, one or more of the following are true:

you enjoy share your opinions about life and things going on around you and in the world.
you enjoy writing about the day-to-day details of your life or your children's lives.
you are a witty or entertaining writer and enjoy writing.
you find writing on your blog about your life therapeutic.
you like having your own little corner of the web.

For me, it's this last one that motivates me. I like having my own little spot. What about you?

just some observations

I was remarking today that with two children now, my family feels complete. I feel more energized and "in my groove" as a mom with two, than I did with one. Taking care of my family now truly is a full-time around the clock job. And I'm loving it. I love watching these little guys. I marvel at the things Daniel's doing or saying now. He's starting to put sentences together. "Let's go downstairs," he says this morning. "Kitty's bad. Timeout," he says to me at lunch. Tonight for the first time, he mentioned Andrew when he was going around the room identifying us.

And my sweet Andrew only has eyes for me right now, mostly because he likes to eat.

It's hard and some days are really tough, but what a great time in life, growing up the young 'uns.

Ack!

Where's Mommietalk?! Can't. . . go . . . without . . . for . . . much . . . longer.. . . Many. . . pressing . . . questions. . .

I'm teaching him the ways of the world. . . er. . . of MY world. 

Hoping for snow!