anybody want a cat?

Stop being underfoot ALL the damn time.

Stop running in front of me on the stairs or when I'm walking.

Stop friggin' begging for food ALL the DAMN time and meowing like we never feed you.

Stop friggin' jumping up on the table WHEN I'M SITTING THERE poised to spray you with the water bottle. (She is the stupidest cat ever.)

Stop eating our plants (what we have of them).

Stop friggin' jumping on the counter to eat the food off the plates.

Man, your shit reeks.

No more pooping ANYWHERE BUT the litter box.

No more pissing ANYWHERE BUT the litter box.

Stop scratching the furniture.

ARRRRRGHHHH.