Christmas Morning, Part 3 -- the opening of the present

So, we decided to try to entice him to open his own presents. We did this by telling him there was probably a car or a truck inside.



(notice the above-mentioned cars close by . . .)



He was a little tentative about the whole tearing thing, probably wondering why Mommy always tell him to stop tearing stuff, but was cheering him on here.


They keep telling me there are cars inside, so I will press on.



Ah-hah! There they are!!! Victory.

But the saga continues . . .

Stay tuned: Tomorrow: Similar Scenes Occurred Simultaneously Across the Country. We have it here Live On Film.

Christmas Morning, Part 2

He didn't quite get the whole present opening thing and plus, the garage was just way to cool to even consider abandoning it for something else. So, we opened a few presents for him . . .

These knock-off matchbox cars, however, caught his attention. ("knock-off" in this case means uh-oh, these are going to fall apart really fast into a thousand little chokable pieces)




Hurry up, Da-da. Want it! Want it!



Daddy couldn't open them up fast enough.

Christmas Morning, Part 1

Daniel first spotted his (unwrapped) garage and was immediately transfixed.

so, the parents are coming today

I decided that having them here would probably be better because we wouldn't have to call our friends at 2:00 a.m. in the morning to watch Daniel. The holidays are over so that stress is gone. I hope they will be helpful and not just make me insane. I'm sure it will be some of both. If there are two people in this world that could make me go insane, it's them. I don't mean to be ungrateful, but it's the truth. If I go insane, will that make the baby be born faster or will he stay put longer? Hmm. . . .

Must. Stay. Calm.

For unto us a son was born . . .

Ha-ha. Just kidding. Had you there for a moment, didn't I? :)

Anyway, just wanted to wish you best wishes to you and yours this holiday season. Thanks for stopping by my little corner of the 'net.

the pregnancy = car wash analysis

Sometimes I liken the whole pregnancy process as like going through a car wash. At different times, as you move forward, different solutions are turned on, others off and each solution is responsible for something different. I picture little nozzle heads in my brain or in my uterus turning on and off, moving through their programmed cycles. I'm not sure what phase/cycle I'm in now, but I'm hoping its the final rinse. :) This phase is characterized by release of hormones that make me crave blue PowerAde, vanilla wafers and marshmallow creme. There also was a grapefruit phase earlier. Just something to ponder on this Christmas Eve.

further update on mommy's progress

I remembered another thing that we are working on. Mommy tends to be kinda slow in doing things that I ask her to do sometimes. I have found that the most effective way to motivate her is to screech and whine. For example, when she's fixing my lunch and not really moving fast enough. First, I'll start by saying "want it, want it, want it" over and over. If that doesn't get things moving, then I'll starting adding a screech or a whine. This usually does the trick.

Mommy also has a tendency to worry about me getting hurt or sick. Today was a great day to try to get her to relax and to stretch a bit in this area. It was 23 degrees outside and we had to go out. She wanted to put stuff on my face to keep it from chapping, and my hat and gloves. I just thought it was going overboard with the protection. I mean, I'm not going to freeze or anything and as I said, Mommy just needs to relax. So, I immediately pulled my mittens off and refused to wear my hat. The hood was enough anyway, but she was still worried. *rolleyes* I can see that this is going to be a tough one to figure out. *sigh* Sometimes, I wish Mommy could just give me a break.

Anyway, I am very proud of mommy's development. I think for the most part she's right on track with the other mommys. I hope these tips might help the other toddlers out there. Check ya later!

mommy's development at 21 1/2 months

Hi, Daniel here -- wanted to give you an update on mommy. Now, don't get excited -- it's not about this baby thing she keeps talking about. "Daniel = big brother. Baby coming to live at our house. Blah. Daniel help with baby. Daniel gentle with baby. Blah. Blah."

Anyway, she's a pretty quick learner, but here are the things that we are working on at the moment. Mommy's not very good at always cleaning up her projects after she's done with them. I've been trying to work with her to get her to put her stuff away. The approach I use, although I'm sure there are other approaches that may work just as well, is to find everything that she's left lying out and do one of two things -- run off with it or just pull it onto the floor. I think the more effective is pulling it onto the floor, because that gets her attention immediately. If I just run off with it, she doesn't notice until later, and I'm not sure it has the same effect. Pulling everything onto the floor off tables and wherever really seems to get her motivated to clean up. Sometimes, to encourage her, I like to sing "clean-up, clean-up" as she's picking everything up. I think being organized is a good thing and especially learning to put things back where they belong. Granny says she's been trying to teach her that since she was little. Granny used to hide her stuff if she left it out. I may try that too if this doesn't work.

We are also working on anger management and patience, two things that mommy is not the best at. The way that I do this is that I find the thing that really gets mommy all riled up the quickest. This usually works the best when I touch the cat. She immediately jumps up and starts yelling at me to stop. The thing is I'm not hurting the cat -- just giving her a good squeeze, pinch or tail pull -- and the kitty happily plays along with this exercise by yowling at the right moments when it looks like I'm doing things too hard. Mommys gets mad really fast and eventually I end up in a time out. But time outs are just silly because I actually enjoy the change of scenery and when I get out, I just go find that cat again. This is a persistent problem with mommy so we really have to work hard on it. I think she's making progress though because sometimes she doesn't react; she just mutters something under her breath about "stupid cat" and "well, somebody's gonna learn something." That's good though because at least she's using her words to express her feelings. :)

I'll update more later!

props to our doula

so during my little false start yesterday, I checked in with my doula just to give her the heads up. She's been so great. She called back last night and then checked in on us today. She said that sometimes prolonged early labor or these false starts happen because the baby isn't in quite the right place yet. So I've been doing my pelvic rocks and cat stretches, etc. Plus, I'll make a trip to the chiropractor tomorrow. Apparently, he works with pregnant women a lot and helps realign their pelvis to give the baby the most room to get through. Anyway, worth a shot.

But back to the doula -- it's really nice to have somebody checking in that can give a little advice, offer emotional support and just be a sounding board.

Unlike my mom who's so excited she could pop. Plus, she's dying to know the name which we still won't disclose at least to them until the baby is born and we can quickly put a stop to any kind of negotiation that she might try to enter into. heh.

some good fortune after all?

We had takeout Chinese last night for dinner. My fortune was:

"You are almost there."

I swear that DH or somebody put it there. Could it be anymore appropriate? That was just weird.

My lucky numbers are: 8, 11, 19, 21, 24 and 36.

So, I don't think it's 19 anymore since we've only got about 8 hours left and there's not much going on, but 21 maybe?

frustrated

Starting late yesterday afternoon, I started having contractions off and on. They continued through the night waking me up a couple of times. I woke DH up at some point to give him the heads up just in case things continued to move forward. WE got back to sleep off and on. Daniel woke up at 5:00 a.m., yes 5:00 a.m., so DH was up with him after that. I got a few more hours of sleep. The contractions continued on throughout the day and by about 2:30 they were closer and gaining in intensity. So, we started making the rounds of calls to people -- my aunt, my parents, the midwife. But somehow in the hub-ub of doing all this, the contractions tapered off. :( I think my uterus got cold feet or something. Now they are just sporadic. What happened? Where did they go? The midwife told us to just sit tight until they were 4-5 minutes apart. I'm feeling some every now and them. But where'd they go? I hate the fits and starts of early labor. I feel bad b/c my aunt has come down to stay with Daniel, but probably will have to leave and come back later on. Maybe I should have just scheduled the frickin' c-section so that everybody could work it into their schedules. Sometimes I wish I could just go crawl into a dark cave away from everybody to give birth and not feel like I have to worry about everybody else. That's the way animals do it, isn't it?

a morning at home without the toddler

Daniel goes to a Parents Morning Out program on Friday mornings. Usually, I use that time to run errands and buy stuff, etc. Today, I decided to just stay home. Being able to stay home and do whatever I want and whenever I want, I realized, is actually a much rarer event that being able to go out shopping on my own. I'm really enjoying watching the morning shows that I used to watch -- some Dr. Phil, some Ellen, some The View and whatever else -- doing some knitting since there's not toddler around who's trying to impale himself on the needles, and being able to type uninterruptedly on the computer. I've also been wrapping X-mas presents. What a nice morning. Of course, there's still the cat who likes to try to grab the yarn as I'm knitting, pounces on the gift wrapping paper and ribbon and tries to eat it (hopefully, the little puncture marks in the wrapping paper just lend it more character), and keeps trying to claw her way into my lap when I'm on the computer -- hence all the tiny puncture marks in my legs. Hmmm, maybe I should have spent the morning clipping her nails instead. :)

We almost didn't send Daniel to PMO this morning. He's had an upset stomach for several days now and has a raw bum which makes him cranky, plus his face is really chapped, and I think his nose is starting to run. But other than those things, he seemed to be feeling OK. Heh. I don't know -- maybe we should have kept him at home. Am I one of those moms who drops her kids off at preschool with 102 degree fever to see if she can at least get a little time. Hmmm. I don't know. Well, I wouldn't drop him off if he was running a fever -- that's for sure. I don't think he is contagious with anything. He needs to get out as much as I need him to get out and we've been home for the last two days straight b/c I'm too tired and sore and shuttle him around. Plus, Jim won't be coming home until late tonight because he's taking his lab out for dinner and bowling, so no break for Suze until bedtime. No break from the cranky, drooling, butt-chapped, car-obsessed toddler. . . Yeah, I think it was OK to send him. Heh.

and another thing

another thing about the doula / natural childbirth people -- they are as guilty of generalizing about women and labor as they criticize the medical establishment of being. My first baby was big -- 8 lbs. 12 oz. Not huge, but big for a first baby. I'm pretty tall though with . . . uhm. . . .fairly wide hips, so maybe he wasn't big for me, but maybe he was. Anyway, whenever I mention to a doula/natural childbirth person about perhaps Daniel was too big and maybe this baby will be bigger and I'll end up with another c-section, they are immediately dismissive. "Pshaw, I've seen women who are 4 feet tall give birth to 12 pound babies, etc." OK, I'm exaggerating again. But my point is that if everybody is different, then perhaps some women do actually have pelvis' that are too small for their babies to pass through. Again, I point to the fact that childbirth was the leading cause of death. Why not say something more tempered like, "Hmmm, you may have a pelvic structure that is too small or oddly-shaped that might prevent your babies from being able to go through, but you are a big person and others in your family have been able to birth babies OK, so it's definitely worth giving it a shot and doing as much as possible to get your pelvis stretched out during labor and ahead of time." Hmmm, see that would sound reasonable.

more on the doula vs. doctor scenario

The problem with going with the doula/natural childbirthing school is that you get their opinions and dogma foisted on you (see prior post about epidurals). Maybe it's just me, but they make you feel like you are not an intelligent person, capable of making your own informed decisions, if you go along with what the doctors might suggest. The thing is I think both models have something to offer to each other. The doula/natural childbirth school makes things out like the doctors are only there to control the situation and make sure it works out to their benefit. It's funny, but I just don't believe it. Yes, some docs might be that way, but others aren't. And the extent to which they are that way is mostly attributable to their training. It doesn't reflect any inherent, deep-seated need among all doctors to impose their will upon a laboring mom. You sometimes get the feeling that by embracing "natural childbirth" you are taking up a cause, a revolution against the establishment, and that maybe you are seen that way by both sides -- the natural childbirth people are happy that they've won you over and the docs are antagonized by your seeming rejection of what they have to offer.

I'm sure that I'm overstating this, but I just haven't been able to have a conversation with a doula or adherent to natural childbirthing methods that didn't have this tinge to it. Yes, we are using a doula, but we are paying her for her bag of tricks to assist us through labor, not to undermine the judgment of the midwives and doctors or be our cheerleader for standing up to the medical world. Doulas know all about the mechanics of positions that help the baby move down through the pelvis and ways to stimulate labor naturally. In some ways, it seems that they have more of an understanding of the mechanics of labor than doctors do or at least find it important to share it in encouraging women to be involved in their labor. They are familiar with very important ways that we all have to withstand pain that perhaps we are less in touch with now that we have Tylenol and aspirin, etc. Using relaxation and the release of natural endorphins. That's all good and there's something nice about feeling like you are helping your body to do what it wants to do naturally, what it's meant to do, about being in touch with that instinctual part of ourselves, that contemporary life can take us so far away from.

We are all on the same team, at least I hope. The doula / natural childbirthing school has brought a lot of good things to labor and delivery -- it is a natural process that women have gone through for thousands of years, but don't forget also that childbirth was the leading cause of death for women up until fairly recently. So, I'll take my breathing and relaxation and massage and movements, but I'll also take my antiobiotics (I'm Strep B pos) and my epidural (maybe) and my close proximity to an OR that can get the baby out in a hurry if something goes wrong for him or me.

and finally, tonight. . .

don't think that you can get away with mugging people just because you are pregnant.

Apparently, you are not allowed to paint a portrait of the President where his image is made of lots of tiny monkeys & chimpanzees.

This is just absurd. Can we say "free speech"?

Filed under "Good to Know"

Buh-bye, Pedro

He's going to the Mets. We're so sad. :(

(Trying to figure out how to put hyperlinks in the body of the post. Help?)

oh yeah --

and we're having a baby at Christmas time. I ask again, what were we thinking?!

Looking for positive things about having kids 21-22 months apart . . .

Sometimes I wonder what on earth I was thinking by having two kids so close together. What was I thinking? I at least should have gotten one potty-trained and into preschool. I can barely deal with one toddler on some days. Patience is definitely not one of my virtues. I guess I'll figure it out and I know that'll I'll love this little guy just as much, but mostly I'm scared right now. The summers are long here. What are we going to do? I go stir-crazy staying in the house all the time, but it's not going to be the easiest taking us all out together. Plus, Daniel gets really cranky when he doesn't get out, too. Not that I blame him. We need to start going back to story-time at the library. He learned songs and little dances and fun stuff there and the room is at least enclosed on all sides so he can't escape. Ha-ha. :) We'll continue with playgroups. Those are good for D and me. Although I enjoy them more at other people's houses where I don't have to spend the whole time chasing him, like, say, when we go to a park. Is he content hanging out where the play equipment is? Nope, of course not, he's running for the woods or the parking lot or whatever. He's not really a crafts kind of kid either, at least at this stage. Not too entertained by crayons or finger-painting. He just wants cars, more and more cars, oh, and trucks and fire engines. I had to hide his favorite "Big Truck Book" because I just couldn't take it anymore. There's only so many times that you can look at pictures of diggers, excavators, skid steers, semi-trucks, etc. before you just want to through up. Plus, the book is so big, he'd eventually wack some part of my head or body with it in an attempt to get me to read it. Not on purpose. But getting whacked with the big-truck-book just kind of added insult to injury.

I found this board book that has the ABC's of baseball in it -- pictures from baseball for each letter. Pedro Martinez is in there. There' s a Boston Red Sox hat and also a picture of the Green Monster under "G." There's also a photo of Yankee Stadium, but I won't tell you what I'm teaching him to call that. Is teaching your child mild profanity even if he doesn't know what it means and will eventually forget a bad thing? Um, . . . maybe you shouldn't answer that. Anyway, just trying to broaden his interests from all-things-wheeled to one of his daddy's favorite subjects, and broaden his vocabulary, too.

please tell me one more time why getting an epidural is not well-advised . . .

Let me recount to you the oh so many perils of getting an epidural. Now that I've entered into the world of natural childbirthing, I've been drilled on this. Please tell me one more time that epidurals lead to an increased risk of c-section and slow down the labor and can make it difficult for babies to latch on after birth. And just so I really know, please give me yet another handout that tells me all the risks and more. Then, tell me a horror story about a doctor overdosing the epidural by accidently getting the drug in the spinal space so that the laboring mom couldn't feel anything from her neck down. Then give me another visual handout that shows the path of natural childbirth and this peaceful if rocky cooperative journey freed of medical masks and the dreaded semi-reclining position and hospital gowns, while depicting the epidural as a sterile superhighway where you are made to lie in bed and are surrounded by scary medical apparatii and impersonal mask-covered faces. Yes, please show me all this one more time because I'm not quite sure I've gotten it yet. Despite the fact that I've actually hired a doula and consulted over the last few months with a counselor who specializes in childbirth issues and I've been hanging out on my birth ball and doing my perineal massage and practicing squatting and reciting affirmations and working on breathing and relaxation techniques and brushing up on useful labor positions, please just tell me one more time. . .

As if I don't already know from experience. I had a frickin' epidural with my first birth which didn't work to relieve the pain of the pitocin-enhanced contractions -- at all. It was like being in transition for three hours. Meanwhile, my legs were completely numb and I couldn't coordinate pushing when it came time for it. Despite being pumped full of epidural drugs, I had no spinal headaches or aftereffects and Daniel was fine and nursed like a pro soon after he was born. Not that it goes that way with every epidural -- I know. But don't quiz me about epidurals. I'm fully aware that epidurals can cause some prob and lead to an increased chance of c-sections. Certainly, you "enlightening" me about that AGAIN is not going to really have an effect on me. 'Cause you know what? I'm going to work really hard to let things happen naturally and to get as far as I can in labor, but if I get to the point where I can't take it anymore and nothing is working and the baby wouldn't be compromised and I'm at least 5 cm dilated, I'm getting the frickin' epidural.

For those of you who think this is silly to be open to an epidural again even though it didn't work the first time or when they tried to place it again for that matter, maybe it is. But that is one of the reasons we are having a doula. So that I will make it as far as possible and so that we'll have somebody who isn't losing their head in the room if the epidural doesn't work yet again. Plus, I've been reassured that the anesthesiology department is excellent at our current hospital. (Of course, I would have thought it was excellent at Brigham & Women's Hospital in Boston, too. . . ).

Sleepy boy . . .

On Saturday morning, Daniel slept until 9:00 a.m.!!! Sunday it was 8:30. He's been going to bed earlier by about half an hour and continues to take about a two hour nap during the day. I'm not complaining, but it's kind of weird. Maybe a growth spurt or teething? Hmmmm.

Speaking of being pregnant . . .

So, yes, we are expecting bambino no. 2 on or before Jan.4, 2005. Maybe after, but I kind of doubt it. We are getting excited but kind of stressed out, too. Stressed out about getting through X-mas, getting everything set up and ready to go, stressed about money, stressed about how I'm gonna handle the Wilful Toddler and a Newborn.

Yesterday, Daniel went into time-out at least five times. All related to trying to scalp or otherwise separate the cat from its skin. I can't tell if he's jealous because he sees us pet her or what. He definitely doesn't like it when Daddy puts him in time-out. Daddy's his bud. When I put him in time-out, I think he's just happy to have a break. It doesn't seem to phase him very much. Finding a good effective way to discipline is tricky. I just know that time-out became ridiculously ineffective for my nephews.

Anyway, back to the pregnancy update. I am huge and the baby is low. It hurts to walk around a lot or really at all. Turning over in bed is near to impossible without assistance. I'm feeling kind of house-bound which isn't good for Daniel or me. I'm just not up to chasing him around anymore. I think we'll brave the mall a little later today though b/c they have an enclosed play area for the little guys. He can burn off some steam, so maybe there will be less feline abuse later in the day. I have to say that I really kind of like being pregnant. I like feeling the little guy squirming around in there and wondering what he's going to look like.

My last delivery was by c-section. I've decided to try for a VBAC this time. I've learned a lot more about the mechanics of childbirth this time. We've taken the childbirth refresher course, learned what relaxation techniques work better for me, hired a doula, sat on the birth ball. Heh. Still scared, but much more prepared than last time. I KNOW how bad it can hurt this time.

I'm craving chocolate lately, cranberry sauce (canned), grapefruit and milk. For the last few nights, I've woken up hungry which hasn't happened for a while.

Don't you hate it when . . .

you think of something really blog-worthy, but then you can't remember what it was. Argh.

Oh no, I'm the mom in playgroup who doesn't know how to discipline her child!

We had playgroup this morning here at our house. Daniel was doing his usual pulling of the cat's tail -- why the cat doesn't get out of the way, I don't know. When we first got the new cat (the old cats knew to stay within at least a 10 foo radius from him), we tried to teach Daniel to touch her "gently" and "nicely" and we'd show him what we meant by petting his arm. That didn't work. Then, we adopted a "no touch" approach. That didn't work. So then, we switched to just "no" with increasing volume. That seemed to make him just hit the cat harder. Go figure. I've been using redirection too, but being big & preggo, it's hard to get up every.single.time.

So at playgroup today, somebody asked me about using time-out. It turns out that all the other moms have their kids on a time-out regimen. 1 minute for 1 year olds, 2 minutes for 2 year olds, etc. I would've put him in time-out for pulling the cat's tail, they said. Oh. All I know about time out is that we have two nephews who are 3 and 5, and time-out became a joke for them -- I got bit by one of them when he was supposed to be in time out. They are now on to some more elaborate system of giving, taking away and earning point each day.

Anyway, my playgroup moms seem to have had varying success with the time-out method, so I think it's worth a shot. They said that sometimes, they'd just put their kid in time-out because they (the moms) were getting frustrated with the kid. Lord knows, I could use that sometimes. Probably better than yelling which is what I'm prone to do. *smirk* But after this conversation, everytime Daniel did something that he wasn't supposed to which was quite often, I kept thinking, oh no, I'm THAT mom, the one who lets her child run wild. Which isn't really true, but you tend to pick your battles. Awww, the pressure. . . . .

great essay on what the Dems should be thinking about NOW

http://www.dailykos.com/story/2004/11/29/221636/33

Check it out!

frustration

One of the most frustrating things about being a mom is the not being able to get things done that I need/want to get done, when I want/need to do them. I have a small, but very demanding little boss and he's much less flexible than any other boss I've had before. We have a broken window and got the wrong size glass from the glass company. It seems easy enough to just run over to the glass company and get the correct size, right? No. This entails getting the toddler ready and into the car with appropriate snacks, toys, a diaper change maybe which involves chasing him around the house to catching him and then lots of wresting. Getting the glass piece safely into the car and secured. Driving over to the place -- the easy part. Getting toddler out of the car. Putting toddler into the stroller or deciding to brave some hand-holding or just carrying him. (Did I mention that I'm almost 9 months pregnant?) Going inside and telling them I need to exchange the glass. Meanwhile the toddler is trying to run away and stick his fingers in the sockets in the store or screeching to get out of his stroller or otherwise making this transaction difficult, maybe by saying "truck! truck! truck! truck!" over and over again, very LOUDLY. Hopefully then, some nice person will retrieve the piece of glass for me from inside the car so that I don't have to figure out how to manage the toddler and the glass or just leave the toddler in the store, hoping he won't melt down while I'm outside. Sometimes I think my DH wonders what I'm complaining about -- what's the problem, just go do it. But then, I don't see him hurrying to take the toddler on his errands with him over the weekend. What's that about? Surely, he can pick up the pizza with the toddler in tow. Right? Or "run" to the hardware store?

Anyway, sometimes it's enough to make a person throw the TV remote down and then watch as it bounces up and into a window, breaking the glass.