Ambivalence.

A funny thing about me. I don't like talking about myself. I used to spend most of the time in a conversation volleying to keep the other person talking so that I wouldn't have to think of something to say about myself. Consequently, I attracted people who like to talk about themselves a little toomuch. Then, when I actually had some crisis and needed to talk, they were like, Oh, she talks; I didn't sign on for this supportive listener stuff. This tended to just reinforce my perception that I don't have anything interesting to say.

One thing that I've been frustrated to discover is that sometimes, your insecurities follow you even into the "virtual" world of the internet. Maybe I shouldn't talk about that. . . So-in-so might not like that and stop coming by. Oops, if I say that, I might offend someone. I can't share that because people might think I'm weird / a dork / boring / whiny. Is what I say cool or witty enough? Same old, same old. I can't believe that the "in" crowd continues to stop by. :D

Anyway, this kind of makes blogging a challenge. I like blogging, or the idea of blogging. DH says it's a good "outlet". If it wasn't for the totally cool people that I've met in the blogging world, I'd probably give it up. DH likes to read my dribble and if it helps him to understand where I'm coming from more, then that's good, but not necessarily a reason to keep it up.

Sometimes, I think that if it's community I'm looking for, maybe I should work harder at developing my IRL friendships than composing blog posts. Oops, hope I didn't offend anybody by saying that -- there's nothing wrong with enjoying blogging and the blogging community. See, there I go again.

Do you think about these things, too?