"back & forth, I sway with the wind; resolution slips away again . . . droplets of yes & no in an ocean of maybe"

(remember that song? sophomore year in college. Faith No More.)

The internet is not always a good thing. I am a very indecisive person. And I'm not just talking about big decisions either such as which house or car to buy. I agonize over decisions about the smallest of things on a daily basis. What should I do today? Should I do a load of laundry? If so, colors or darks? Daniel's or Andrew's? Or towels? Or sheets? Or maybe I should go to the mall instead -- Daniel needs to get out anyway. But then there'd be the whole packing snacks and diapers and changes of clothes and when did Andrew nurse last? Will I have to nurse him? Where will I nurse him if I need to? What will I do with Daniel if I'm nursing Andrew? Will I put him in the stroller? He porbably won't like that. Maybe he could run around in the play area while I'd nurse. But I may have to get up and help him or keep him from running out of the play area. Can't exactly jump up with my boob hanging out. I mean, I could, if I were super-breastfeeder-mom, but I'm not. OK, so maybe going to the mall isn't the best idea. But I want to. I need to get out. But it's the mall, it's not like you'll be talking to people. You should call somebody up for a playdate. Ugh. I don't feel like it. It's kind of last minute and maybe they won't want to do something that will be easy for us. I guess I'll just stay home. I could do some scrapbooking or something. Who am I kidding? I can't work on the scrapbook while Daniel's awake. I could work on the kitchen table maybe. But then I'd have to clean it off. There's no more room on the counter to put the stuff from the table. The dishwasher is full of clean dishes, so I can't load it up. I can't unload it because Daniel will be trying to help me unload it, by trying to close it the whole time I'm trying to unload. Maybe I could unload it while he's sitting in his seat eating or taking a nap. OK, but that's at least an hour from now. What should we do until then. We should go somewhere. But where? I don't know. We could go for a walk. That's boring, though. Nobody for me to talk to. Maybe it would be better to stay home. The laundry is kind of piling up. OK, maybe we'll stay home and I'll put some laundry in. Oops, Andrew's crying. He probably needs to eat again.

So that's how my day goes. Every day. I drive myself crazy, you see.

so, what part does the internet play in this? It only enhances my indecisive nature. You have access to an infinite amount of information on virtually any topic you could ever imagine, right at your fingertips. What beach to go to for vacation? Let's look on the internet. Hey, there are lots of beach house rental web sites. We could look at this one. There's some cool stuff here. But lets check out this one, too. Oh, and we shouldn't skip this site either. Maybe the perfect place is on this other site. We've covered a lot of territory now. Might as well go to these sites as well for completeness' sake. Will find just the perfect place if we look at this site too. It's good to see it all just to make a thorough comparison of all possibilities. Of course, there are 762 available rentals. Hmmm, which one will suit us the best? If I look just a little bit more, I'll find THE one. (What do I think I'm going to find -- something that says J & S, YOU MUST GO HERE. YOU WILL HAVE THE BEST VACATION. 100% GUARANTEED. TRUST US. WE KNOW WHAT YOU WANT. AND ALL FOR A GOOD PRICE. IN FACT, YOU TELL US HOW MUCH YOU WANT TO PAY. . . )

See what happens? The internet perpetuates the myth (in my head) that there is some perfect answer out there to every question no matter how small. If I make a decision and it doesn't work out well, then it's just because I didn't gather enough info or the right info. All the info you need to make the perfect decision is out there. Crazy, hunh? Yep. So, I don't make decisions. Meanwhile, three weeks later, I'll still be trying to decide which beach rental to go for, but I'll only get to that after spending my day trying to decide whether to do a load of laundry or not or go to the mall or to call a friend or go for a walk . . .

etc.
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etc.